Grief Brain Fog
Why you can’t remember anything (and why that’s completely normal)
Your neighbor is standing in front of you with a loaf of freshly baked bread, and for the life of you, you can’t think of her name — even though you’ve known her for years. You missed a dentist appointment. You’ve got a pile of paperwork that needs to be gone through, and you can’t concentrate on it. And you think to yourself, “On top of everything I’m going through, am I also losing my mind??”
Your tendency might be to get frustrated and beat yourself up over it or seriously begin to worry that something is wrong with you. So I’m here to reassure you, grief-related brain fog is completely normal. You’re not losing your mind. You’re not broken. You’re grieving. So let’s talk about why this happens and some practical strategies to help you deal with it.
What Is Brain Fog?
According to The Cleveland Clinic, brain fog is a “range of symptoms that cause cognitive impairment.” Brain fog can be caused by many different things, not just grief. This could be caused by certain medications or treatments like chemotherapy, illnesses, or head injuries. It could also be a symptom of an underlying condition.
Brain fog can look like:
Forgetfulness
Difficulty focusing and concentrating
Having trouble finding words
Fatigue
Losing your train of thought
Slow thoughts or processing time
Why Grief Causes Brain Fog
Grief is a tremendously stressful experience for your brain. It releases stress hormones, similar to what happens when you're in danger. Your brain will divert energy from other places to focus on processing your grief. This leaves you depleted and exhausted.
Our cognitive resources are limited, so your brain does its best, but in times of heightened stress or grief, there’s only so much to go around. Processing grief takes an enormous amount of mental space, and so things like being able to quickly recall your neighbor’s name or being able to focus while you read a book will naturally take a back seat. Your brain is prioritizing what is most important right now. It’s not broken, it’s doing its best to protect you. This can be really distressing, but it’s helpful to know this is temporary.
Practical Strategies
While brain fog is temporary, most of us still have to function somewhat while we’re in the midst of it. So here are some practical strategies for getting through it while supporting. your brain.
Lower your expectations. Recognizing that brain fog is a real phenomenon (people sometimes refer to it as “grief brain”), can help allow you to lower your expectations of yourself, essentially giving permission for your brain to not be at its prime. This could look like allowing yourself a nap in the afternoon, choosing not to multitask, or choosing entertainment that’s simple and enjoyable but not something you really need to concentrate on.
Use external memory systems like lists, Post-it notes, or reminders on your phone app. Giving your brain the space to not have to remember the little things can help. This doesn’t need to be a permanent change if you don’t want it to, but it’s a great way to keep little things from slipping by while also supporting your brain.
Build in buffer time. If you know that you’re operating a little slower than you used to, plan for it when you schedule something. If it used to take you an hour a month do a task like paying bills, maybe allocate 2 hours. Or break it up into several smaller time slots so you’re not exhausted by the end.
Create simple routines. This could be a great time to simplify. Maybe you used to try new recipes every week so dinner never felt stale, but if that feels like too much right now, you can pick a few favorite, tried-and-true meals you know how to make without too much effort and rotate through them until you feel a little more energy return. Or maybe you used to do laundry when you noticed the basket was full, but now you let it go too long, and you’re out of clothes. Try setting a laundry day, and on Monday (or whatever day you choose), you do the laundry even if the basket isn’t totally filled up.
Ask for help and delegate. This one requires being honest with others about what you’re experiencing, but that’s okay! There’s no shame in this. Your brain is doing very important work. Asking someone to help you understand the estate issues, or sort through your loved one’s belongings, or to help you remember your niece’s baby shower is coming up, are all ways you can support your brain, while also letting someone help you, which is what the people who love you really want.
What Not to Do
Please don’t judge yourself harshly. This is not a personal failing or a lack of effort. Your brain has essentially been hijacked by grief. It’s doing its best, and so are you.
Don’t try to power through without accommodations. Doing this will only leave you burned out and frustrated. There’s no shame in needing help, whether that’s from systems you put into place or from other people.
Don’t compare your grieving self to your pre-grief self. The temptation is high here because our sense of self and what is normal for us is so strong. Think of this as a season. I know it’s a frustrating one, but it’s a season that will pass. Adjust your expectations for yourself within your capacity this season.
Don’t catastrophize. Brain fog during grief is normal. It does not mean you won’t eventually return to your normal brain function. It does not mean you are losing your mind. It does not mean that you are in the early stages of dementia. It just means your brain is busy grieving and your brain is prioritizing that over other functions right now.
When to Seek Support
If you find that your grief brain fog symptoms are going on longer than you feel is appropriate for you (keep in mind, this is very individual and there is no timeline for when grief turns off and your brain comes back to normal), or if your symptoms are severe or causing interference with your activities of daily living or your safety, it could be time to check in with your doctor.
Additionally, processing your loss with a professional can help ease some of the burden on your brain, freeing up brain space for other things. If you’d be interested in seeing what that might look like, schedule a free consultation call with me HERE. I’d love to talk with you.
Closing Thoughts
Grief brain fog is one of those things that just doesn’t feel fair on top of everything else you are dealing with. But it is normal, and it’s your brain trying to help you get through something tremendously difficult. You’re not doing anything wrong, but giving yourself patience and grace while you’re in this season can go a long way.
